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ViewsThe Emotional Destruction that is Mental Abuse: Recognizing the Signs and Having Hope
by Anne Marie Bantle
Martin Luther King, Jr. said….”I have a dream…..” When this statement was proposed to a classroom of adolescents, one student responded… that she/he had a dream that parents will not mentally or verbally abuse their kids. This is a very profound statement coming from a pre‐adolescent. It makes someone wonder what that child has gone through to feel that way.
Abuse comes in many forms including physical, sexual, verbal and mental abuse. Mental abuse or psychological abuse is the hardest type of abuse to identify. This type of abuse can also be referred to as ‘bullying’. Mental abuse may be overlooked by many adults as we may consider that the parent was just being ‘strict’, being a ‘little hard’ on the child, being ‘harsh’ with punishment that was rendered or being ‘sarcastic’ to their children in their conversations. It gets overlooked a lot by adults and not considered abuse or parental bullying but considered basic parenting. Other times, it is quite obvious that the parent is being verbally abusive. Mental abuse can be considered the “silent” abuse of all the types and can be inflicted on all people (particularly the elderly and the adolescent) and is not always obvious.
Mental abuse is very destructive to everyone who is subjected to it, especially our young adults because they are still seeking belonging, appraisal and tangible support from their parents. Mental abuse or psychological abuse is maltreatment by a loved one, whether it is their mother, father or grandparent. It is so subtle that no one realizes the full manifestations until it is too late. Some manifestations of mental abuse include but not limited to: long term depression, anorexia nervosa, and bulimia, addictions to alcohol, drugs and smoking. Another manifestation to be included is bullying other adolescents and kids to hide their insecurities, anger and frustrations. Adolescents are so impressionable that living with parents that are negative, nasty, condescending only hurt their kids mentally and socially. The ultimate manifestation from these negative, nasty and condescending remarks would be suicide of the adolescent. This occurs because the adolescent feels so insecure, scared, unloved and unwanted that they feel the only way out is to die.
What triggers adults to be verbally or mentally abusive to their kids? A major life changing stressor is the usual culprit. Some major life stressors include: divorce, recently widowed, loss of financial income. Loss of close personal relationships and development of serious illness are also life changing stressors. These stressors have such a huge impact on everybody in the family. It is the parents that are held to the higher standard of maintaining the family unit, creating a loving, caring environment for the family especially during the time of crisis. It is easy to lose control, lose tempers and raise a hand to potentially hurt someone they love. It is hard to maintain composer, calm voice and not blame other people. When people become stressed, we inversely yell, blame and take out our frustrations verbally onto our loved ones.
When major life changes occur, as adults we need to re‐evaluate everything that is going on in our lives, not only how it impacts us but how it impacts our family, family life, our children and each child individually. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from outside sources, including a financial advisor if the stressor is loss of employment. A grief counselor could be beneficial if recently widowed.
Help from a psychologist is particularly important if dealing with divorce. The children in the home would greatly appreciate and benefit from counseling, particularly with a one on one session and possibly a family session. Since adolescents are still in need of appraisal, belonging and tangible support from their family, counseling is very important to help them understand and feel loved and supported by everyone in the family. Even though as adults, we don’t intend to hurt the ones we love, but sometimes we do. We need to protect our children especially our adolescents. They are young adults but still very fragile. We need to mentor them, encourage them to grow and be the best they can be.
Mental abuse is maltreatment of an individual by a loved one. I am sure that mental abuse is not intentional but a consequence of highly stressful situations that create a negative environment for individuals. Our elders and adolescents are the most vulnerable to mental and verbal abuse. What we say, how we say it and the tone of our voices all play into the perception of the conversation.
Derogatory remarks are the most hurtful to our love ones, and do the most damage with and without intention. Most people would believe that mental abuse doesn’t exist but it does and it profoundly affects all people in this country. These kids are our future, shouldn’t we be investing in their well being, and protect them from harm, especially mental and verbal abuse?
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The Emotional Destruction that is Mental Abuse: Recognizing the Signs and Having Hope
By Nurse Advisor Magazine (Official)
Martin Luther King, Jr. said….”I have a dream…..” When this statement was proposed to a classroom of adolescents, one student responded… that she/he had a dream that parents will not mentally or verbally abuse their kids.
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