Whether you are a Registered Nurse, a visiting home nurse, or a nurse working in different settings such as an acute care center, rehabilitation center, a physical therapy center, a long term facility, or even a doctor’s office, losing a patient is by far one of the hardest parts of working in the medical field. It is often mistaken that nurses, along with all other healthcare workers, do not develop relationships with their patients but that is far from the truth. As a nurse who has been part of this field for 8 years, I can tell you first hand that I have experienced a great amount of patient deaths, and it never gets easier. For me, working in a long-term facility on a dementia unit allows me to grow extremely close to my patients as I am caring for them on a daily basis. As many nurses can say, they are at work more than they are with their families, so my co-workers and patients are my second family and I can truly say that I care for them deeply. A feeling of devastation is an understatement when describing how I feel after we lose a patient. Not only do feelings of grief affect you as a person, but it can and will have a negative impact on your performance at work. Because of this, it is important to properly deal with the negative feelings that come when a patient passes away, so that you can continue to work to your highest potential and give the rest of your patients the care and compassion they deserve. Luckily, there are many things that you can do to cope with the loss of a patient.

First, it is important to talk about it. Chances are, one of your co-workers is struggling with the same grief you are, so talking about the situation and sharing emotion could be beneficial for you and someone else. Sometimes, solely knowing that someone feels the same way that you do can help you cope with loss. Talking to others and getting negative feelings “off your chest” can instantly make your spirits lighter. It’s also definitely beneficial to talk about happy times and to reminisce, which can be done in any healthcare setting. As I mentioned previously, I work in a long-term facility, so the memories and fun times we experience with our patients is immeasurable. Talking about these memories helps with coping and allows the memory of your patient to live on. My co-workers and I often speak of and miss our patients who have been gone for years; that is how much of an impact our patients have on our lives.

Second, find peace in knowing that your patient is no longer in pain or suffering. In many situations, our patients pass away due to an illness that caused an immense amount of pain and suffering. Although we do everything we can to keep our patients comfortable in this type of situation, we know that there comes a point when there is nothing else that can be done and we would rather see them pass on than to continue in such an ill state.

The third strategy to help you cope after you lose a patient is to know that you made a difference in their life. As a healthcare worker, especially a nurse, you are spending 8-16 hours a day with your patients. Whether you realize it or not, your patients will look for you, confide in you, trust you, and love you. It is important for you to know that you made the last days of their life better just by being there for them and providing them with the best care you could give.

Fourth, you need to realize that you did everything you could to keep them here. Whether you helped them with daily activities, gave them medication, changed their treatments, or simply helped them into comfortable positions every 2 hours, you played a tremendous part in prolonging their life. As long as you did everything you were supposed to do and followed your facility’s policies and procedures, you should be able to find comfort in the fact that you gave this patient your all.

Fifth and finally, remember that this is part of your job. This may be the first loss you have experienced, but it will definitely not be your last. As much as you may have cared for a patient who dies, remember that you have made your career about caring for people, and the grief you feel means you did your job.

Feelings of grief and devastation when a patient passes away shows that you have one of the most important attributes of a nurse, which is empathy. Although these feelings are normal, it is healthy to use the coping techniques listed above to help keep your mind at ease and to keep your work a top priority.

Danamarie H., RN