Saving a life is truly one of the most incredible aspects of being a nurse. But what about when the opposite happens, and you have lost a life. Those intense feelings of failure and sadness, in addition, to “how will I tell the family?” The list of emotions goes on, yet, you have to work through it. Losing patients is part of the job and you will never stop feeling unsettled by it. However, after that patient, you’ll have many more. People who are depending on you for your excellent care and who shouldn’t be affected by your previous loss. 

Not every day will be easy, and there are going to be days that you will lose many patients. Possibly even five in one day. Here are some proven ways to cope with the death of a patient.

The First is the Worst

Every nurse or other healthcare professional remembers the first patient they lost. Most can even remember the exact day it happened and how it happened. Even after years of working. This is because it shows how impactful your influence is on another person’s life. For some nurses, the death of their first patient can and will rock their confidence for a while. While others won’t be affected as much. It depends on the person and what experiences they have with exposure to death. 

Despite how thorough of a nurse you are, how well you monitored the patient’s vital signs, or followed everything by the book, in certain situations it won’t matter. An unexplained medical condition or a weakened immune system can lead to a patient’s death. This is part of the deal of working in healthcare, but you have to accept it and learn from it. The more you value human life and understand it, the better a nurse you will become.

Acknowledge the Families Loss

Even though you lost the patient, you have to remember that someone lost their wife, or husband, or son, or daughter. There are other people who need to start the grieving process and accept this loss besides you. Nothing you can say will diminish the fact that they lost this person that was very important to them, but you can be a source of support. When people are experiencing grief, they mostly just want to feel heard. This is a normal process to go through, and one most people don’t want to do alone.

Even if you have been working as a nurse for 25 years and have become a number to patient loss, you have to remember that it is fresh for every family. People that don’t work in healthcare are not exposed to death nearly as often and have a harder time coping with it. 

Talk to Others 

Sometimes, the weight of a loss is too heavy to deal with alone. If you had a very difficult case, it may help to speak to other nurses and ask how they worked through their grief. Maybe the patient was the same age as you or had the same name for example. Ask people who have experienced the same emotions themselves. You will feel understood and may even gain great insight on how to handle the situation better the next time it happens.

If you don’t want to speak to a coworker about it, talk to someone close to you in your personal life. Anyone who you trust and is willing to listen to can help you better process your thoughts.

Be Supportive of Others

You probably weren’t the only person taking care of this patient. Remember that other nurses and healthcare providers tried their best as well. Acknowledge that you and the other nurses did everything possible for this patient. Be supportive of other workers and remind each other that you will have losses at times. Also, remember that everyone handles death differently. If another nurse that cared for the patient is silent, that may just be how they process grief. 

Coping with Emotions

Coping with the death of a patient will get easier in time, however, there will always be certain patients that leave a lasting impression on you. Whether it be the elderly man who always showed pictures of his grandkids or a young child who wanted to be a nurse someday. No amount of lessons in medical school can prepare you for actually facing this in person. Or feeling overwhelmed by the reactions of the people around you. 

When this happens, remember to process these emotions in a healthy way. Don’t let them get in the way of helping the patients that you have next. This is a new patient and a new start.