Well I guess I’m now officially an ICU nurse or at least I’m starting to feel more like one. July has marked one year since I made the transition from a progressive care unit (PCU) to a cardiovascular intensive care unit (CVICU) nurse. It’s been a year of stress, uncertainty, awkward moments, new faces and new problems. The stress I can handle (as long as I recharge), and the uncertainty is waning. The awkwardness will always be there because it’s me but add that to navigating your new coworker’s individual strengths, their preferences and their pet peeves, which can all make that first week quite a whirlwind. I have experienced a cornucopia of feelings that range from very positive to very self-disappointing but overall I know that I have made the right choice.

When I first began my nursing career I didn’t have any aspirations to be in the ICU. I was as green as they came and my only goal in my first job was to survive. The only thing I was sure of during my three month stint in that nursing home was that I wanted to be in a hospital. I was desperately yearning for acute care experience. I felt like I was not being challenged and after a month, my shifts became very mundane. Yes I was an RN—an aspirational figure, a delegator amongst men, taking the vow to serve andprotect all central lines at the SNF—but this was nowhere enough for me. Oh, the phony grandiosity of it all.

Those LPNs were amazing nurses but certainly did not get enough credit. The only new nursing activity I participated in was dining room duty and at that point I just knew that I could not do this any longer. It was honorable work but it just wasn’t for me. I resigned after accepting a position on a chest pain observation/cardiac step down floor at a hospital. I was happy, and relieved that I would never see that dining room again but I walked away with a newfound love and appreciation for the elderly. In retrospect, their blunt wisdom and unapologetic wit was what fueled me for those three months.

It was during my time on the cardiac floor and after talking with a friend that worked in a CVICU that I had a nursing epiphany. I wanted to specialize in cardiac nursing. I still did not know how I would proceed or what the end game would be but I was okay with that for the time being. It was after making my decision that I thought it would be a good idea to work on a medical PCU to get a broader skill-set before I specialized.

After three long years, I felt I was ready to make the leap. In general, the transition from a PCU to an ICU makes sense clinically. However, one’s personal journey is something else to be considered. As a night shift nurse orientation was brutal. Each week was divided into critical care classes and unit shifts. Not only did I miss night shift but I hated getting up early in the mornings. Class days were long but were more relaxed and I thoroughly enjoyed the simulations. However, my days on the unit were plagued with memory loss, dehydration, a personality deficit disorder and using the other half of military time was a nightmare. Did I mention that I hate change and was naturally awkward in addition to all of this?

Like I said, it was brutal but I was determined. As long as my patients were safe and taken care of I knew the rest would fall into place but I had to work hard. As for you day shifters, I respect your hustle but I also know when to stay in my lane, as dark as it may be.

A year later and I am now floating to other ICUs, which was in itself a mental hurdle to overcome, but I’m still pushing through ya’ll. I am learning a lot every day from various coworkers and also through continuing education that is appreciated but is never-ending. I am also becoming certified in more ICU/CVICU specific treatment and equipment such as the balloon pump, continuous renal replacement therapy (CRRT), impella, etc. All very exciting, all very critical to a patient’s care and recovery.

With each certification and the assignment of more critical patients, I am in the intermediate stages of making a full transformation into an ICU nurse. I am grateful for every moment thus far and continuing to take it in stride as I still have lots to learn, and therefore there is more room for improvement. So if anyone asks me if more experience brings more problems, I would say maybe but more experience definitely brings more responsibilities.