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ViewsSuperheroes Have Feelings Too
By Ava Sammarco
One day, I went from being a pediatric nurse to working in a makeshift Covid-19 adult unit. Adult patients were not my normal patients and the only experience I had to take care of adult patients was in nursing school 15 years ago. Management did their hardest to plan for what was to come, but it wasn’t enough. We were never prepared for this unknown. My colleagues and I have been petrified, not only for the patients and for each other, but also for our families. Covid-19 rolled in like a hurricane, wreaking havoc on all our lives.
I didn’t know what to expect when I began my shift. I may have screamed a couple of times, cried, and prayed more than I had in the clean utility room before. There were no kids screaming on the unit anymore, it wasn’t the usual. Yes, we have signed up to be pediatric nurses, but we know that we are educated and knowledgeable enough to do our best to provide for our current patient population. The problems we had were legitimate, what are we going to do now? The need to embrace each other and rekindle the confidence and humble love we had was in the distant wind. The nightmare continued, and there was no escape or going around.
We had two choices in the matter, show up for work or quit. Most of us cannot afford to do the latter. We are assigned to work in unfamiliar territory with patients who are outside of our skills and with no training. Most shifts start and end with crying and frustration. 2020, the year of nurses, was like a horror movie that you just cannot wake up from. “We are nurses” or “ It’s out of our hands” were terms we heard repetitively from management.
Having to listen every day that we are superheroes, nurses are rock stars, and you’ve got this; did not inspire or convince us. We often wondered if the administration knew how many of us were weeping in the parking lot, in the storeroom, or in the recovery rooms. We wonder if they have recognized the terror in our expressions and the look of loss. The emotional uncertainty felt and endured will be with us forever. We stand firm not to disappoint our patients. We stand firm in the knowledge that every patient is cherished by someone as well. What we can not stand firm with is the concept of ‘transparency’ and why in healthcare it means something different. The feeling of distress and unease of not knowing what to expect can be crippling and emotionally draining.
We take care of our patients, hold their hands, smile with our eyes, FaceTime their families, write brief quotes and post images of what we look like under the mask. We check on our coworker in passing, “How are you doing today?” We know how heavy this is, and we know that at every given moment we might all break down crying; but we’re superheroes, so we’re not allowed to be emotional. Being willing to be there for our patients, our coworkers, and our family; not ignoring our own emotional and physical well-being is a challenge that even a superhero considers challenging. As nurses, we are valuable enough to be frontline staff, but we somehow do not have enough appreciation considering what we have experienced and the state of our mental well-being.
Fast forward to 2021, not sure if we’re still in the year of then nurses’, but we still turn up to do our superhero duties. We often wonder if patients know that we’re pediatric nurses, does that matter to them? The treatment we offer is no different, but confidence and knowledge is another issue to be discussed. From the conversations I’ve had with my coworkers, we’re not only concerned about Covid-19, we’re concerned about what else we’re supposed to be able to withstand both emotionally and physically. We ought to feel like we’re in a relationship built on trust. Even in business, a certain degree of confidence and accountability is required. Call us superheroes, call us superstars, or rock stars, just don’t ever call us quitters. Nurses deserve to feel as valuable as the people we take care of.
Bio‐ Karlene Bennett-Wynter, MSN, RN, CPN, DNP
I have been a pediatric nurse for almost 14 years, worked in the ICU, and on the Cardiac and Gastroenterology unit.
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Superheroes Have Feelings Too
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One day, I went from being a pediatric nurse to working in a makeshift Covid-19 adult unit. Adult patients were not my normal patients and the only experience I had to take care of adult patients was in nursing school 15 years ago.
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